Kisah seorang budak cengeng

I spent last night bloghopping and accidentally found this. I don’t read her blog, but I’m familiar with her name as I am a member of Geng Jurnal and she’s one of those GJ’s committee member (or whatever). Something awful happens to her and it got me thinking about my own love life.

How well do you know your partner? This girl’s been dating this scumbag for three years and they almost engage before she found out that he actually married (with six fucking children). Not only this girl, this scumbag got most of GJ’s fooled. They should give him ‘Best Actor’ Award in the next Geng Jurnal Gathering (btw, he actually won ‘Best Dakwah Blog’ a few years ago.. *tsk tsk tsk*).

I went out with Wan this morning and I asked him whether he has a secret life that I don’t know about, you know.. like a wife or something. Because come to think about it, I don’t actually close to any of his friends. I mean, sure I’ve met dozen of ‘em during barbecue and paintball game and weddings but they are his university/school friends. They don’t meet everyday. One of his friends is my colleague now but the only dirt I can dig of him is probably his past (and it doesn’t mean much to me – unless of course, he secretly got married while he’s a student). His ‘teh tarik session’ friends? Well, they are guys. Guys most likely will cover each other’s ass…

My beloved Wan somehow has a fucked up peculiar sense of humor. He jokingly (I hope) made up this story about a wife and two kids. I really would love to kick his balls right there and then, but didn’t ‘coz he’s the one who drive. It makes me mad that he laughed ‘coz I “didn’t get the joke”. I don’t fucking know what’s so funny about me wanting to make sure I don’t end up with some two-timing scumbag. It doesn’t hurt to be extra careful right?

And for the 100th time, darling. I am not paranoid. It could happen to any girl.

Oh ya. The ‘cengeng’ part is when I sort of cry and messed up my mascara. Thanks a lot, darling!!! *grrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

Suppose if he does have a wife. I say ‘IF’, I won’t just sit on my sorry ass and cry. No sir. Na’ah. Not me. You don’t just screw me upside down and leave.. hell, no. You gotta pay for what you’ve done (urghh.. that doesn’t come out right).

Well anyway, I was grumpy the whole day (I assure you it wasn’t PMS) but I’m mature enough (ehem ehem) not to throw tantrum in public. Plus, Wan had those annoyed I-don’t-have-time-for-your-whining look on his face and from my experience, you can’t fight fire with fire (but you can stop an oil well from burning by detonate it – I learn that from Mac Gyver).

We kissed and made up (figurative speaking of course, bukan lah kiss betul-betul hehehe) before he sent me home. I ain’t mad at him anymore.. but someday, I’ll make him swear on the Quran that he is single….

Or maybe I won’t have to do that as tonight he asked me to come back with him to his kampung next week to *gasps* meet the family.

Ayoyo…. Mampuslah aku…

*faints*

Tolong!!! Help!!! Somebody saaaaaaaaaaave me…

Anyone but her

What would you do when your spouse accidentally calls you by his/her ex’s name?

*shrugs* Happens to a friend of mine :(


Pffft… Men, can’t live with ‘em. Can’t strangle ‘em and dump ‘em down Klang River.

Perihal Kerja

Last Wednesday was my first day at my first real job. By ‘real’ I mean, the job that I can see myself doing for another couple of years. It is an insurance company (no Squid, I don’t sell insurance policy :p) with about 3000 staffs nationwide and I am assigned to work at the company’s headquarter.

There are about 70 staffs in my department and I was introduced to most of them on my first day. The shake-hand-“Hi [insert name], I’m Arni from XXX unit. Nice to meet you” ritual. What I dread most about meeting new people is remembering their names. I really suck at that. To make things worse for me, the majority in my department is Chinese with Chinese name. I have some sort of system to match Malay/Muslim, Indian or western names with their faces, but I still haven’t got a clue how to remember Chinese names. First of all, am I supposed to remember their surname? I met three Lee’s last week. Second of all, it’s harder to remember names with one syllable like Fatt, Khor, Choo. Malarvili A/P Nallayan? At the tip of my finger. But Chee Hoon Nie? Hmmm.. Probably the biggest problem for me is I have no inkling about the gender of a Chinese name. Any advice?

My colleagues are a bunch of nice and helpful people… so far. According one colleague, the company really takes care of the staff – with salary increment, bonus and overseas free trips. That’s why she never thought of looking for other opportunity somewhere else although she’s been here for five years. Another colleague said, I’ll love it here… if I’m a workaholic. People here don’t socialize with their colleague much. No time for romance and scandal. Which suit me just fine since I want to work hard so I can play hard.

I was attached to a semi-government organization during my practical trainee back in 2002. It’s like being in a soap opera there. There are backstabbers, ass-kissers, CNN (penyampai cerita), boss tua yang miang, a clerk who complains 24/7 etc. My superior Kak Z who has to write my evaluation was a woman who’s at war with her ex-husband (and sometimes with her current husband too). She loved to talk about her personal life to every Tom, Dick and Harry, and yours truly have to tahan telinga with her ‘men are scumb of the earth’ speech everyday. It’s a miracle that I’m in love with Wan now considering the amount of gruesome stuffs that men do I heard from her. I nearly join the circus when the boss’s wife called me under the pretext of wanting to meet her husband’s new staff.

Our phone conversation.

“Arni, Encik XXX ada tak kat office?”
“Errr.. dia dah keluar pukul 11.00 pagi”
“Tau tak dia pergi mana?”
“Dia tak cakap pulak. Puan nak tinggal pesanan?”
“Eh.. tak payah la berpuan-puan. Panggil saja Auntie Maya. Arni ni umur berapa ye?”
“22”
“Isy, mudanyaa.. Suara sedap, tentu cantik orangnya”
Huh? What the fuck?”Hehehhe.. tak der lah puan… er Auntie”
“Arni pakai tudung tak?”
“Pakai..”
“Alahai.. bagusnya. Sejuk perut mak Arni ye? Auntie ni pulak on and off jer tudung. Tak tahulah belum dapat hidayah kot?”

Kak Z signaled me to cut the conversation short and get off the phone ‘coz we got tonnes of works to do. “Awak jangan layan sangat orang tua tu”.

“Auntie teringin nak jumpa jumpa Arni. Arni ni dengar macam budak baik ajer. We should have a coffee together sometimes. Tak payah risau, Auntie belanja..”
“Errrmmm… nanti-nanti lah ye? Saya nak sambung kerja ni”
“Ok, ambik nombor Auntie ni, 019-XXXXXXX. Kalau Arni free kita jumpa ye? Call tau!”

Kak Z laughing so hard when I told her about my conversation with Auntie Z. “Dia nak recruit awak jadik spy dia lah tu..”

For some reason I hate mixing my life with work. The office is a place where I work and that’s about it. If I want to gossip, I’ll just call up some friends lah.

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Perihal Duit

My mum suggests I save 58.8% of my salary every month as a down payment for a car. A car??? I don’t even know how to drive!! Well, technically I am a licensed driver, but truth is, I drive like a blind lady. Maybe I’ll drive someday. But for now, I got a lot of supir *winks* my brother, my father, my boyfriend, my friends… bila lagi nak mengkuli batakkan diaorang? Hahhahaa!

On my first day of work after reading the department’s ISO procedures and manuals and such for about 30 times, I did some budgeting. I spend RM 6.60 a day on transportation, and RM 10.00 on food. Roughly, I’m gonna need about RM 400 a month. Then I have to pay back the PTPTN loan (RM 160.00 a month), give some to my parents and probably spend nothing for myself :( at least not the first pay check, as I want to pay all the debt I have with friends and family. I owe Sufi RM 50, my brother RM 400, and my beloved Wan RM 360. Man, Wan helps me a lot with money and everything else (especially when I was in USM) that I think my dad should give discount in wang hantaran nanti.. Hahha!

Anyhow, I can now clearly see what the Malay proverb ‘besar periuk, besarlah keraknya’ means. When I was a USM student, I can live with Maggi mee, homemade nasi goreng and porridge. Forget about fancy handphone with polyphonic ringtone and camera. Cokia Nokia 3310 is good enough for me. But now, I find myself craving for mp3 players lah, books lah, CDs, cosmetic stuffs, clothes, shoes, handbags and all those tetek bengek stuff. I think I need a sound financial planning so that I won’t end up on the street when I turn 60.

When love dies

Love is a fascinating subject. When I was younger I always wonder what makes A and B falls in love with each other, and how would they know if it’s love that they feel, or just lust.

I think I found the answer to the questions a year and a half ago.

‘Falling in love’ is the most celebrated event in one’s life. Just look at those love songs, books, movies and whatnot. Everyone got their own idea how ‘falling in love’ feels like. Sweaty palms, raising heartbeat, the nice feeling that makes you smile all day yadda yadda.

But if you can ‘fall in love’, you can also ‘fall out of love’ (or climb out of love?), right?

Taking a friend of mine as the guinea pig, let’s call her Subject Number 0001 (SN0001) and her boyfriend of six years, Subject Number 0002 (SN0002), let’s ANALyize this case.

SN0001 confided me about her deteriorating relationship, on her part. She feels bored with her same ol’ boyfriend. While she had graduated and earning money for a while, and after this will pursue a Master, SN0002 still hasn’t change. The relationship has become stagnant and she keep having those ‘what-if’ thoughts; ”What if he’s not the one?”, “What if my true soul mate is waiting for me out there?”.

The hardest part is SN0002 doesn’t feel the same way towards SN0001. He still loves her just the same despite what SN0001 has done to him. The loyal and faithful giler babi punya lelaki who doesn’t even look at other women’s cleavage.

I’m a liar if I told you I didn’t see this coming.

There are reasons which I’m not comfortable to discuss here, but damn, I jab myself with a fork to stop blurting, ”Aku dah habaq dahh.. tapi hang tak mau dengaq!” (“I told you so!”) because I’m such a nice friend I don’t want to burden her even more.

Naively I said, “I never imagine going thru that stage with Wan. I love him so much that I don’t mind doing boring and dorky couple stuff with him like, getting married for instance (hahhaha..)”
“Heh, wait another four years and tell me that. Do you think you can stand hearing the same pujuk rayu when you merajuk, getting the same present, going to the same dating places over and over again? Gosh, I know EVERYTHING about him and vice versa. The only thing we haven’t done is sex, and even that, I don’t think I’m sexually attracted to him anymore”, she said.

Disturbing indeed.

The crappiest advice someone could give her is, “Korang kahwin ajerlah”.

Some misguided people thinks marriage will solve everything. How to stop young people from fucking under the staircase of an apartment? Suruh diaorang kahwin jer. How to stop rape? Murahkan hantaran so everyone can kahwin easily. How to stop prostitution? Mudahkan prosedur poligami supaya senang lelaki yang berkemampuan kahwin lagi. Getting caught berkhalwat with a chick you just met in the club? Marry her. If you’re a man living alone, and tired of doing your own laundry and cooking – kahwin ajer lah. If you’re a woman and always on tight budget – get a husband, preferably a rich one. How to stop the conflict in Middle East? Why, a marriage of course… NOT!!

Everyday people getting married for the wrong reason and it’s really freaking me out.

Oh dang, I’m digressing.

Back to the topic, I asked her whether she thinks every relationship will come to the stage where both parties are sick of each other.

“Most probably, yes”
“But look at our parents! More than 20 years has passed and they still happily together”
“It’s the children”
“But in a non-marital relationship?”
“Seven years is the maximum”
“Why seven? Why not five? Or ten?”
*shrugs* “I don’t know… ‘Seven Years Itch’?”
“So, after seven years of being together and still no sign of breaking up, kira real love lah tu?”
“Agaknya”

I plan to get married only because of love. So, I told Wan that we gonna tie the knot in about six years from now, when I turn 30.

“Okay”, he said
“Wow! You mean you’d wait for me?”
“Sure… “

and before I gush on how wonderful it is to have such a loyal and loving boyfriend (if I was in PMS, I’d scold him for talking such bollocks) he added, “Sure, you can always be my second, or third wife”

Very funney… *grrrrrrrr*

I don't think SN0002 has any idea that he's gonna get dumped.. Oh well, it's their life.

PC Bogel dan Togel

Shalom



Tried to switch on the PC last night but nothing happen. I banged on the CPU a few times (I’m such a caveman) but still nada. So I open up the casing and look for loose connection or stuff that not suppose to be there; like cicak for instance. Nothing. Everything is smooth clean. Then I remember a part where I never ventured, the front side of the casing where all those LED and switch at. I pried open the cover with a screwdriver and man, it was dustier than some people’s Al-Quran (heh!). I’m surprise I didn’t find any creepy crawlers there.

Here’s what I found.



The yellow and blue wires were supposed to be connected to the switch. I told my brother to reconnect them using the soldering iron thingy as I don’t have ‘steady’ hand. I tend to burn everything when I use the soldering iron. He took a look at the wires and went to watch TV!

When I told him that I need to use the PC tonight he yelled back at me, “Ah, aku malas!”

What the f**k???

Damn, that guy sometimes is so moody you’d think he has PMS.

I when to look for the soldering iron for hours but I can’t find the heating element thingy. Frustrated, I asked him. “Mender tu memang dah habis. Ayah kata esok baru nak pergi beli. Pasal tu lah aku tak boleh solder kan PC kau”.

Shite!

Kan senang kalau cakap awal-awal lagi. Tak der lah aku macam orang gila dok carik mender alah tu.

I’m using that ancient PC of mine right now, with the casing ‘togel’ like that. Whenever I need to start the PC or shut it down, I just touch the yellow wire with the blue one. Kindda like hotwiring a car (hahha macam la aku ni expert sangat pasal auto theft).

*She works hard for the money.. so hard for it honey

If everything goes well, I’ll start working this 15th. This gonna be my first real job and I’m really excited to join the rest of the world in pursuit of money. Muhuhhahahaha!!!

The salary’s pretty good. To tell you the truth, I didn’t expect to get paid that much considering that I’m a fresh graduate and all. The figure that I actually put in the application form was RM 400 less than what I’m gonna get, only to be advised by the man who interviewed me, “Awww c’mon don’t be so modest. You’ll be kicking yourself if you know how much your colleague make”. Hahhaha damn!

From what I’ve been told, the job is pretty tough challenging. I told my ex-course mate about the job’s description and she asked me whether I feel that I’m up to the challenge. Uhh.. okay, I get it. I’m not the brightest crayon in the box when I was in USM (Let just say, I thought the highest CGPA pointer one can get is 3.0.. hahha). But if those folks who interviewed me think that I’m good enough for the job, why should I think the otherwise?

I hope I’ll like this job, or at least don’t vomit blood after six months. I hope I’ll learn new stuff, gain experience, make some friends, save some money for **THAT THING and probably buy a car or something.


* Tajuk lagu Donna Summer - sheesh, I'm sooo into the 80's!

**THAT THING – something I want to do before I turn 30. It’s too silly, I never told anyone about it.


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Mimpi Laila Arni

Aku selalu mimpi pasal gigi. Sejak tahun lepas lagi. Malam tadi aku mimpi yang gigi taring aku longgar dan perlu dicabut. So, aku pun menghadap cermin dan goyang-goyangkan gigi tu. Aku pejam mata dan sentap gigi tu. Bila aku buka mata, di tangan ku ada sederet gigi bawah dan atas kecuali dua batang gigi atas dan bawah bahagian depan. Refleksi cermin menunjukkan aku dah rongak. Yg tinggal cuma dua batang gigi depan, dan dua batang gigi bawah ajer. Aku pun menjerit. Pastu tiba-tiba ada dentist pulak offer aku untuk cabut gigi yg tinggal tu dan pakai gigi palsu ajer. Setting mimpi tu tiba-tiba berubah macam kat cerita Extreme Makeover.

Ada sekali tu aku mimpi bertinju dalam ring. Tak ingatlah pulak aku masa tu lelaki ke perempuan (kengkadang aku mimpi jadik lelaki – maybe Freud could explain this :p) tapi yang pastinya lawan aku tu a guy. Dia tumbuk aku bertubi-tubi tapi aku tak rasa sakit pun. Aku pun balas balik sampai org tu pengsan (tak tau la kalau mati ke hapa). Bila aku diumumkan pemenang, aku spit out luar ring. Pttuii!! Bersembur keluar SEMUA gigi-gigi aku.

Masa kat USM dulu aku selalu mimpi jadik perompak bank, atau pesalah yg diburu polis. Habis belajar ni pulak selalu mimpi jadik rongak. Ntah apa kena la kepala hotak aku ni.

Bosan tul. Sekali-sekala nak jugak aku mimpi beromen bersembang dengan Enrique Iglesias pulak.

Berikut adalah senarai celebrity yg pernah muncul dalam mimpi aku.

1) Michael Jackson (don’t ask)
2) Roxette
3) Mick Foley a.k.a Mankind of WWF (WWE now – ya’ know rassling guy), and no, it was not a wet dream. You’d understand if you see how ugly Mankind is.

Kan bagus kalau kita boleh control mimpi kita.